Hidden Stories

Professional development is serving me well right now, as I am fortunate to be with some of the best leaders - people who have great contacts that they are able to share with our groups. One of these groups had a 2-day PD session recently where we were introduced to Thomas Murray, who is the Director of Innovation at Future Ready Schools in Washington, DC. His new book, Personal Authentic and Learning Transformed was part of the discussion, but there was a particular moment in his presentation that was impacting. He showed some data on a young student related to a 14-month time period of her schooling. During that stretch, she had 34 absences, 14 tardies, had fallen behind her school work, etc. He asked us to look at the numbers and then write down - or speculate - what was occurring in this young lady’s life. He did so fully knowing some of the answers that would come out of the group. I wrote down “Family issues”, based on my life’s experiences that school absences - 99% of the time - fall into those families who cannot or do not support the educational journey of the child. The family doesn’t care (or can’t care for some very sad reasons), and so the child misses school, has a complicated school life, and struggles. He knew some people would write that answer, and I (and others) did.

He looked right at the screen and said, “I’m telling you all the story of my daughter. She’s the one who missed all of the days...had all of the tardies...fell behind in school. Bad parenting, right?” And then he just got silent for a strong moment. We all just kind of looked at the screen and realized that we had reflected upon past experiences and wrote down a biased answer. The problem was, we were talking about the presenter’s kid! He made us feel perfectly natural, and it wasn’t an issue at all. He then proceeded to explain an allergy story that rocked her health world and their family’s life for an extended time. He used this opening to remind us of the theory of Hidden Stories. We had a brief discussion about our students’ hidden stories, and that on nearly every occasion when a student isn’t capable of “doing school”, he or she has some type of hidden story that, if we really knew it, would explain everything we need to know. It was a great reminder, and it took us back to moments in the classroom where every adult, every child, and every association in the school would treat someone better if we only knew their hidden story. To me, it’s easily solvable. Instead of worrying about why you offended the kid or said something you shouldn’t have, you just don’t do it.

My life has been about kids, so many of their hidden stories came right into my world. One of my players called me prior to a game and asked if I could please come and pick him up right now. When he got into the car, I could tell he was at the brink of destruction, and this wasn’t uncommon for him. He told me to pull away from the house before he killed someone. A great moment in that story later that same night was that we were actually tied with less than 10 seconds to go in that game, he got a steal, and laid it in close to the buzzer to win the game. Another one of my students went home after school one day to an absolutely empty apartment. He left for school in the morning, and during that day the place was emptied and on its way to another state on a UHaul. Everything this kid owned was gone - personal belongings, clothes, etc. Of course, he was left dealing with what to do next. Educators deal with these situations constantly, but it’s a lesson for all of us in every profession and life scenario. We never really know the inner workings or life dealings of every person in our lives, so it is important to realize that nearly everyone has a story that has created the person we see - whether we like them or not.

Here’s the idea of this entire area that upsets me the most. People who are built well to handle life, understand the big picture, and have developed the wherewithal to withstand just about anything will sometimes fail to recognize what others go through. What’s even worse is when these people criticize kids, colleagues, and other people for their faults and actions. It’s a good time in life to realize not everyone has the emotional or social capacity to be the person we want them to be. It’s especially difficult for kids these days to handle criticism, as they normally just sit and take it. Kids will rarely look at an adult who said something offensive and say, “I don’t appreciate that.” They will, instead, take the sarcasm or criticism that is given to them, perhaps laugh to fit in with the laughter of others, and then go home and reflect on what was said about them. It never really feels good. We owe it to our kids, our colleagues, our friends, and those we love to treat them with kindness and respect, and to fully realize most people have their own hidden stories which we must honor and recognize.